Hurting and Healing
by Takara Phoenix
Summary: Jace gets abducted by Downworlders after the Soul Sword incident, the Downworlders seeking revenge. Magnus gets worried when his boyfriend doesn't show up for date-night. Magnus/Jace slash Jagnus


Jagnus || Shadowhunters || Jagnus || Hurting and Healing || Jagnus || Shadowhunters || Jagnus

Title: Hurting and Healing – The Misery of Jace Herondale

Fandom: Shadowhunters: The Mortal Instruments

Disclaimer: All rights to the Shadowhunters show reserved to Ed Decter, the books the show is based off and its characters belong to Cassandra Clare. This fanfiction on the other hand is entirely mine. No money is made with this, though reviews are more than welcomed.

Warnings: m/m, hurt/comfort, whump, torture, kidnapping, suicidal thoughts

Main Pairing: Magnus/Jace

Shadowhunters Characters: Jonathan Christopher 'Jace' Herondale, Magnus Bane, Alexander Gideon 'Alec' Lightwood, Isabelle Sophia 'Izzy' Lightwood, Clarissa Adele 'Clary' Fray

Summary: Jace gets abducted by Downworlders after the Soul Sword incident, the Downworlders seeking revenge. Magnus gets worried when his boyfriend doesn't show up for date-night.

 **Hurting and Healing**

 _The Misery of Jace Herondale_

Jace woke up disoriented. His head was aching, as though his skull was too tight for his brain. He remembered leaving the Institute in a haste, because he was running late for a date with Magnus. Then... nothing. He frowned when he couldn't move. Slowly growing more aware of his surroundings, he looked around. He was chained up against the ceiling, the chains heavy and tight, keeping him upright but so that he was hovering above ground, balancing on his toes. It was straining, uncomfortable.

It reminded him of the ship too much. His breath caught, labored, as he tried to close his eyes and keep calm.  
This couldn't be happening again. Not Valentine. Valentine was locked. The Clave took him. Valentine tricked him. Valentine made him kill all of those people. But Valentine was gone, _this couldn't be happening._  
"Well, well, look who is awake."  
Jace's eyes shot open with fear and realization. Panic gripped him but he swallowed it down, turning his head away in shame.  
No. This wasn't Valentine. This wasn't _like_ Valentine. This was different.

This was _worse_ , he realized when he saw the people gathered around him.

Two vampires, two werewolves, a warlock.

They all sneered at him, with vicious expressions. Like predators who had just found their prey. But instead of going for the kill, they wanted to _play_ with him first.

Jace swallowed, jerking his chains, but it was pointless.

"You guys will be in trouble for kidnapping a Shadowhunter", warned Jace with a frown.

The warlock laughed haughtily. "Oh yes. We are shaking in fear of the Clave."

Jace narrowed his eyes. " _Magnus_ won't like that you took me."

At that, the warlock sneered and stepped up to Jace, gripping his throat tightly, his fingers digging into Jace's skin, making it hard to breath. "He will be upset for a while, but in a couple decades, he'll be over it and realize that it was a mistake to bed _scum_. The _enemy_. He will _thank me_ by then."

Things got blurry around the edges of his vision as the warlock lifted him up by his throat. One of the wolves stepped up and growled.

"That's enough."

"Don't tell me you're already going soft", sneered one of the vampires.

"It's no fun if he passes out before the fun begins", corrected the wolf.

"Fair enough", conceded the warlock and stepped back, letting go of Jace.

Jace collapsed forward, gasping for breath. His shoulders ached from the position he was in. He was fully aware that if he let himself hang for too long, he'd pass out again. Forcing himself back straight up, facing his kidnappers head-on, he tried to put on a brave face.

Swallowing the pain and putting up the cocky mask (not a good idea, a voice in his head that sounded strangely like Alec said, but he did it anyway, like old armor), he couldn't help but think maybe he deserved it.

He didn't mean to kill those people.

He _did_ kill those people.

Feeling sorry wouldn't bring them back. And beating him up wouldn't either but in a twisted way Jace _understood_. He got it. The need for revenge, for _justice_.

So he just didn't say a word a fist collided with his stomach. Stayed silent when another hand grabbed his face viciously and someone spit in his face.

He didn't say a word.

Maybe he deserved it.

But he still wouldn't give up.

He had failed.

Claws scratched at him, sneers a blur in front of him as the five Downworlders seemed to push each other aside for the privilege of hurting him. Punishing him.

He deserved to be punished.

Coughing, he spat blood onto the floor. His right shoulder had been dislodged from the force of some of the hits. At least two ribs fractures, if he judged the pain right.

"You're _disgusting_ , Shadowhunter", snarled the warlock. "Pretending you care about the High Warlock, but nearly _killing him_."

That hurt more than any punch he had received so far.

Magnus had been there. Had he not portaled out when he did, Magnus would have died and it would have been Jace's fault. He gritted his teeth as another fist collided with his face.

A hand grabbed his hair, yanking his head back so harshly, his neck hurt.

"I don't know why the Alpha keeps protecting you, keeps standing up for you and your kind", growled one of the wolves, kicking Jace hard in the stomach.

"You're not worth the trouble", hissed one of the vampires.

The words started swirling in his head, blurring together into one soup.

 _Not worth it. Disgusting. Unworthy. Not good_.

The voice of his father started to tune in, it all started to sound like the things he had heard in his childhood. Had heard at the Morning Star. The things he had been telling himself so often by now too.

 _They were right, I'm not worth the trouble. Why does Luke keep sticking up for me at the Hunter's Moon? Just because of Clary? Because–they still think I'm her brother. But I'm not. I'm not worth their love or protection. I keep lying to them. I'm disgusting._

The warlock very slowly ran a knife down Jace's arm, causing the blood to gush down his arms, soaking his shirt. Magnus had bought him that shirt, it was a nice and expensive shirt. It brought out his eyes, Magnus had said.

 _Not worth being loved by Magnus either. Nearly killed him. Magnus deserves better_.

Jace whimpered, tears prickling in his eyes as his own darkest thoughts came to the forefront of his mind, brought forth by the mixture of pain and insults hurled his way. Things he had heard so often before, had thought so often before.

Maybe it would be better if they would just kill him. Clary would think she lost a brother, would never have to learn that he kept lying to her. Magnus would move on, he was centuries old, even if he'd mourn Jace for a few years, he'd be fine and then he'd find someone better.

Maryse had already told Alec to cut his losses, but loyal, good, kind Alec never would abandon Jace. Even though he deserved a better parabatai than Jace. Jace, who had chosen a stranger over him, had fought with Alec over Clary before even knowing her, had caused him nothing but trouble in recent months.

And every dark thought was accompanied by another kick and another bunch, the physical pain nearly being a relief compared to the mental one that he could not pinpoint, that he could not grasp or make stop.

 _He just wanted it to stop. All of it, please_.

The tears had fallen at some point, his head bowed down in resignation. He took the beating gladly. He deserved it.

He wanted it.

He never deserved swift death. Cutting his own throat wouldn't have been enough. Quick death wouldn't be for him. Not after what he did. He needed to pay.

His mind was somewhere else. He was passing out, losing control.

The pain was constant but it wasn't enough to keep him aware.

They didn't like it.

Sharp claws dug into his cheeks, forcing his attention back.

"You're quiet."

He just glared but it wasn't quite as impressive in his state, eyes half closed and cheeks wet with tears and blood.

"Aww, you look a bit out of it. Maybe you need a power kick to keep you awake, cry baby. Quinn?"

He turned to one of the vampires, who licked his lip greedily.

"No."

Jace finally uttered a word as the realization sunk in.

"I haven't had a drink in a while."

Could it be his penance? To give back the sunlight to those forced into darkness?

No.

No, people like Daniel Quinn were dangerous enough in the night. He deserved to suffer, deserved to die, but he refused to prolong his own torture and become a vampire open bar for indefinite time.

"No."

He started struggling, finding new strength in his voice. He kicked and screamed.

"Go away, bloodsucker!"

Someone else grabbed his legs, trapping them in a steel hold, the hand never leaving his face, holding him strong and exposing his throat.

He kept thrashing and screaming but all it got him was something foul smelling that made him wanna puke stuffed in him mouth. He coughed over the gag, kept thrashing and yelling but soon just a weak gasp escaped him as fangs pierced his skin.

Momentary relief wasn't even enough to overcome the pain and panic. The moment was short and lasted forever and it ended before Jace even realized, the sweet relief gone with it.

His eyes were sharper now, more focused, but the exhaustion none the less prominent and everything still hurt.

He stilled, unmoving, eyes trained on Daniel who kept looking at him with terrifying hunger. He tried not to shiver but he knew his eyes betrayed his fear.

He knew they saw how suspiciously conscious he was after so much venom entering his system.

"My, you taste… Different. Strange. Strange but _great_."

Jace flinched. No, no, it wasn't happening.

"What do you mean different?"

Jace tried to say something but the gag muffled any of his protest.

"Well, why won't you taste for yourself, Brad?"

/break\

Magnus frowned as he was pacing in the living room. It wasn't unusual for his little Shadowhunter to run late for a date. But it's been well over two hours now and Alexander _knew_ tonight was a special date night - yes, Magnus checked in with his lover's parabatai, just to make sure _someone_ kept Jace on track. Alec had promised to make sure Jace would be coming home as on time as possible.

And on top of that did Jace not answer his phone.

He could continue pacing in the living room, waiting and waiting, or he could portal to the Institute, check in with Alexander if he had heard something from the team yet. Just to make sure.

He knew it was intrusive. He was being overbearing. His little Shadowhunter could take care of himself. Shadowhunters didn't have a nine to five job.

 _Still_.

Opening a portal, Magnus immediately found himself in Alec's office. Not alone. Alec yelped slightly in embarrassment and scrambled off his own boyfriend.

"Why did you stop?", groaned Bat, reaching out for Alec. "It took me an hour to pry you off your work, you're now officially _mine_ for the rest of the night."

"We have a visitor", hissed Alec embarrassed, grabbing his shirt and putting it on.

Bat Velasquez, sprawled out on the large desk, tilted his head back to look at Magnus upside-down. "Oh. Hey, Magnus. Wait, what are you doing here? I thought you had an actually planned date-night with Jace…?"

"But Jace isn't home yet", sighed Magnus. "And that's why I'm here. I just… wanted to know if the team has checked in with you yet, Alexander. You know, so I can maybe adjust our plans."

The frown marring Alec's features and the way he straightened his back were not good signs, neither was Bat sitting up and fetching his own shirt.

"The team returned nearly three hours ago", replied Alec. "Jace used the puppy-dog eyes on his sisters and made Clary and Izzy do the paperwork because he didn't want to be late to your date. And you know how weak everyone is to Jace's puppy-dog eyes. He left immediately after."

Magnus' jaw clenched tightly at that as dread settled in. "Nearly three hours ago…? But… he never came home."

Alec took a deep breath, clearly to calm himself. They had both suffered badly the last time Jace had disappeared. When Valentine had abducted him. Magnus had to remind himself that Valentine was gone. But there was still enough bad in New York. What if he got attacked, surprised, weakened from today's mission? What if he was laying somewhere, injured and alone…? Helpless?

Helpless was one of the last words Magnus would associate with his little Shadowhunter, but Magnus also knew that despite his bravado, Jace Lightwood was not invincible. He had seen that, been made painfully aware of it, when his boyfriend had stood in front of his door, looking like a kicked, abandoned puppy, asked Magnus hopefully if he could crash for a while because he had just been tortured by Valentine and by Aldertree and how kicked out of his home.

"If anyone hurt my angel, I will kill them", growled Magnus darkly, eyes flashing golden.

Alec looked at him, but was wise enough not to comment. Because if anyone hurt Alec's parabatai, _Alec_ wouldn't mind Magnus killing them.

"How about before you plan any executions, we use Alec's fancy tracking magic and _find_ your boyfriend first, Magnus?", offered Bat gently.

"Wonderful idea, Bartholomew", agreed Magnus.

/break\

Jace felt weird. His mouth full of cotton (figuratively and literally), his brain seemed to have turned off, his vision hazy and it was like he was floating in fire.

Everything hurt despite the fact everything also felt great. It was like his body was telling him he should be happy but something kept barreling into his stomach and making it difficult.

Cold water hit his face, soaking his whole body, harsh, sudden and merciless. He shivered, trying to flinch away, but there was nowhere to go.

A scream tore from his throat as he felt somewhat more in control of his body. He was met with an ugly grin of too sharp teeth.

Right.

Kidnapped.

Soul sword.

Downworlders.

 _Magnus_.

Jace felt like crying at the very thought of his warlock. Magnus was alright. Was was alive but it was too close to him not being. Magnus was alive unlike several people who didn't make it out of the Institute.

He just wanted to help.

Why did he always destroy everything he touched? He wanted to help and he made everything worse instead. He killed people and he strained the fragile peace in the Shadow World. He ruined everything.

He felt the tears prickle at his eyes and something stung his cheek. He was vaguely aware someone slapped him but he couldn't hear the words.

Venom.

It was the venom, wasn't it? Like when Simon bit him. When he saved Simon's life only to take others.

Fire.

He was floating in fire.

His eyes blinked rapidly, unseeing. He didn't register the barked out agreements between his captors. Didn't feel when they took him down, retired his hands again his back, threw him in some closet.

He was too out of it to be a good toy. He was no fun when he couldn't be conscious enough to scream in pain.

His blood was his salvation.

/break\

Tracking Jace was, thankfully enough, rather easy with the parabatai-tracking. And while Magnus had been willing to storm ahead and rip people apart limb by limb, Alec had held him back with a stern glare.

They got Isabelle and Clary and then they left together, as a team.

What they found was not exactly what Magnus was expecting. A warlock - one of _his_ warlocks - two vampires and two werewolves, sitting together, drinking and laughing. The only thing that betrayed the scene were the bloody chains dangling from the ceiling, the blood on the floor - and on the vampires' lips.

In that moment, Magnus saw red, quite literally so. They had _his angel's blood_ on them and he was going to make them bleed in return.

His attack was precise and vicious. And while the others kept the vampires and werewolves busy, Magnus personally cornered the warlock. Dropping his glamour, he offered the other warlock an insight into the true, vicious and demonic rage Magnus Bane was capable of.

"I am giving you _one_ chance to answer me this", stated Magnus calmly, icily calm. "Where is _my_ Shadowhunter?"

The warlock looked absolutely terrifying, trying to scramble away. Tilting his head, Magnus brought down his foot on the man's, keeping him pinned with the satisfying sound of breaking bones.

"T–The closet-", replied the warlock frightened, pointing behind him.

Tilting his head into the other direction, Magnus abandoned the battleground and instead opened the door. What he found was… heartbreaking. Jace was a bloodied, sobbing mess, shoulder clearly dislocated and arm most likely broken. He looked up at the sound of the door opening, but his gaze was unfocused, a small whimper escaping his throat.

No. Magnus loved that sound. He loved making his little Shadowhunter whimper as he squirmed beneath Magnus in pleasure. _How dare_ they ruin this beautiful sound, how dare they harm and frighten _his_ Shadowhunter.

"Sweetheart, it's alright", whispered Magnus gently and knelt down.

Still, Jace flinched away on instinct. His gaze was dull, but not just due to pain. Magnus had seen it before. Between Raphael and Isabelle. Gritting his teeth, Magnus traced the bite-marks marring Jace's shoulder.

"Angel, I will be right back and then I will not leave your side again, okay? I just have to take care of something really quick, _cintaku_ ", whispered Magnus softly, soothingly. [Indonesian trans: _my love_ ]

Much to his horror - and the horror of his companions - had the sunlight flooding the abandoned warehouse through the windows they had broken to get in do nothing to the two vampires.

Never mind. Ripping throats out with his bare hands was far more _satisfying_ anyway. The throats through which his angel's blood had run.

Clary looked startled, never having seen Magnus this enraged before. She and Isabelle had the two werewolves cornered and cuffed, Alec had the warlock pinned down (quite literally so, arrows sticking out of his shoulders).

"Magnus-", started Clary unsure.

"They hurt him. They fed from him", growled Magnus coldly.

With that, he turned around again, brushing the blood off against his pants and returning to the small closet. Using his magic, he removed the cuffs and the gag. Jace was coughing violently and shaking.

"Everything will be alright again, _malaikat ku_ ", assured Magnus gently, cradling Jace close. [Indonesian trans: _my angel_ ]

"M–Mag…", whispered Jace, gaze focused enough to look at him.

"Yes", confirmed Magnus relieved, lifting Jace up bridal style and holding him tightly. "Everything will be alright, I got you."

"Mag, I'm sorry", sobbed Jace, burying his face in Magnus' chest.

"…What?", asked Magnus, confused.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. You deserve better. I nearly killed you. I killed them. Killed innocent Downworlders. Nearly killed you. I'm sorry, so sorry, I'm sorry, you deserve better…", babbled Jace, swallowing words in between.

It dawned on Magnus then what had truly happened. If possible, he became even more angry than he had been before.

This _filth_ had blamed his angel for what had happened with the Soul Sword.

Jace had been ready to _die_ to protect the Downworld.

"It wasn't your fault, my love", stated Magnus firmly. "You tried to do the right thing. It wasn't your fault that Valentine lied to you, my angel. It was not your fault."

Jace was shaking in his arms, shaking his head violently in denial, though his fingers were curled into Magnus' shirt, holding onto him for dear life. Overwhelmed, Magnus looked up, locking eyes with Alec.

"Go", ordered the archer. "We take care of this. You… take care of my parabatai."

Nodding, Magnus opened a portal to the loft.

/break\

When Jace woke up, he was confused.

Nothing hurt.

For a moment, allowing himself to melt into the familiar golden sheets, he wondered if it was all just a bad dream. But his head still felt slightly fuzzy in what he could, by now, associate with blood loss.

And there was the feeling.

The _craving_.

He felt like that after he saved Simon. (And failed to save the others, his mind wouldn't allow him to forget.) But he and Simon were fine by now. This wasn't because of that. That was because of the two vampires who…

He tensed.

It was all real. Those people were really dead and his captors probably joined them by now, if Magnus was the one to save him. It was over, but although his warlock's magic eased the physical pain, the constant awareness was there.

He deserved it.

"Angel?"

Soft voice spoke to him, and for the first time Jace realized the warmth radiating behind him. Another body. Magnus was here. He was alive, he saved Jace, he was _here_.

Without thinking Jace turned around, attaching himself to Magnus like an octopus, burying his face in Magnus' chest, feeling tears prickle at his eyes.

Dammit, he was not going to get emotional. He heard a low chuckle come from Magnus as his fingers found their way into Jace's hair.

"You came. You really came."

Jace tried to keep the tone of disbelief out of his voice but he knew Magnus heard.

"Of course I did, my angel", whispered Magnus gently, carefully running his fingers through Jace's hair. "I will _always_ come for you."

Jace was shaking in his arms a little and Magnus was unsure if it was the tears or the withdrawals, but Magnus held him close either way. He enjoyed the way his little Shadowhunter fit against him, curled together and with his head tucked beneath Magnus' chin.

He had cleaned up and healed Jace and then put him into what he knew would make Jace feel comfortable and warm. Namely, Magnus' gray hoodie that Jace continuously kept stealing, as well as Magnus' sweat-pants. Magnus had to admit, he really loved seeing Jace in his clothes. The possessive part in the warlock was flaring up pleased at that.

"You shouldn't have", whispered Jace, barely audible.

"Nonsense", grunted Magnus with a deep frown, hugging him closer.

"I killed them, Magnus, I nearly killed you", muttered Jace, voice shallow and flat. "Why… Why couldn't it have just worked…?"

"…What?", asked Magnus, dreading the answer, resting a hand in Jace's neck.

"I was supposed to destroy the Soul Sword. Die an honorable hero's death. Instead… I ruined everything and people died because of me", whispered Jace.

Magnus' heart broke a little. He made a mental note to call Catarina, she was a nurse, she had contacts among the Downworlders in the health business. Surely she knew a good doctor who could help Jace. Because while Magnus had hunches, had disliked how willing Jace had been to throw his life away without considering other options. This however… was the confirmation Magnus had dreaded.

Jace needed _help_. Help that Magnus couldn't give him.

"I love you, my sweet angel", murmured Magnus, kissing the top of Jace's head. "I love you. I will not let that happen to you."

Still breath uneven as he hiccuped and sobbed, Jace slowly cried himself to sleep in Magnus' arms, in a display of vulnerability that Magnus had never witnessed before from his little Shadowhunter.

/break\

"Mag?"

"Yes, angel?"

Muffled voice answered from the kitchen.

"What did you do to my phone, Mag?"

Jace groaned, collapsing back on the bed, not having the energy to keep looking for it around the nightstand.

He glared at his boyfriend as the warlock entered, a tray in his hands.

"I saw it laying here yesterday."

"And why do you need it?"

Jace tried to hide the violent shiver that went through him. He turned away from Magnus, laying on the side and staring out of the window, unfazed.

"I… I'm just bored."

His excuse sounded weak even to himself.

"My, am I not enough to entertain you? You didn't want to call Simon or Raphael, did you?"

Magnus raised an eyebrow and Jace closed his eyes in shame, drawing the covers up, feeling cold.

"I… I wouldn't do it to them. Magnus, please, just a little. It would help, to reduce the dosag–"

"Shh." Magnus finger on his lip stopped him. "Angel, you _know_."

A sob wrecked him.

"Mags, it hurts. Make it stop."

He allowed his boyfriend to hold him as he cried, hanging for dear life, praying it stopped. He kicked the covers away, too hot and sweaty, and soaked in the words of comfort.

"There, there. Jace, come on. Here. Drink this, it should help you some."

He choked, spluttering because of the foul taste of the herbal brew, but he obediently drunk it all.

He turned away from Magnus, curling on himself, ignoring the warlock's soft sigh.

As the gentle fingers brushed his hair from his forehead, he resigned himself.

Magnus was right.

He wouldn't let any other vampire of Downworlder to suffer because of him.

/break\

Jace was sitting curled together on the balcony, legs drawn up against his chest. He was staring out at the sunset, absentmindedly patting one of the kittens that was sitting next to him.

"How are you feeling today, sweetheart?", asked Magnus when he joined Jace.

"…Disgusting", admitted Jace reluctantly.

"Do you still have cravings? I could brew-", offered Magnus concerned.

"No. But… I _had_ them. I wanted some random vampire to bite me. I… I was pathetic", grunted Jace with a glare, gritting his teeth. "I… I put you through so much. You had to take care of me this whole month. Sit at my bedside, clean up my vomit, make sure I eat. I was a disgusting wreck and you… you had to take care of all of that."

"I _helped_ my boyfriend while he was _suffering_ ", pointed Magnus out seriously, cupping Jace's cheek and making him look at the warlock. "I helped you through something painful. That is nothing you need to feel embarrassed about. I _love_ you, Jace. I will always be there for you when you need me."

Jace blinked as he felt a tear roll down his cheek before he surged forward, burying his face in Magnus' chest and crawling into his lap. All his life he had never thought he deserved that, deserved someone loving him like that. And even after everything, Magnus still felt that way, still took care of him like that.

"I love you so much", whispered Jace against Magnus' collarbone. "I… I am so… so grateful to have you in my life."

Magnus hummed gently and just held Jace close. "Always, my love. Always."

 _~*~ The End ~*~_

* * *

 _Author's note: This one, not a prompt - well a bit of a prompt but from me and not for me. This was a collaboration between me and the lovely **Kimmycup** over at tumblr. I left that opening paragraph in her inbox and she responded and, well, we spun a story out of it. Because we're both sadists who love to hurt Jace! :D (and we're not sorry for it xP)  
_


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